Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
