the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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