ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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