just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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