You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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