why didn't you poke me back
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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