Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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