dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
