thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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