he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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