Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
