im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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