Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
