There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
