Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
being pregnant is like rehab
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
