I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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