I hate all girls vehemently.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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