Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
