I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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