Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
