I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
