There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
