You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
