Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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