she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
