You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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