her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
