we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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