She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
