i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
