I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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