She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
