I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
