My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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