watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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