what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
