i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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