I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
