i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
