Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
