kristin has been a bad kristin
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He better not be in your backpack
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
