I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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