Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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