Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
