she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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