it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
