thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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