Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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