if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
