I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
